Semoga.

Aku melihatmu disana, kau berdiri dalam balutan kemeja favoritku disana, tertawa bersama-teman-temanmu dan tampak bahagia. Aku tidak menyapa, tidak juga melambaikan tangan seperti biasa. Sebuah senyum lebar mengembang di wajahku, pandangan mata tidak lepas dari sosokmu yang biasanya hanya dapat kulihat dalam angan.

"Manda, kamu ngapain?"

Aku menoleh ke sumber suara, masih tersenyum.

"Ah, ga kok. Yuk." Ajakku pergi, sebelum beranjak aku menoleh, ingin melihat sosokmu untuk terakhir kalinya, tapi...

Kau sudah tidak ada disana.





Ini yang terakhir, semoga.

Someday my prince will come

A friend of mine and I liked the same person. Wow, that's so straight-forward of me. Yeah, I'm gonna give up. I'm not the kind of person who would break a friendship just because of some stupid thing people call as 'crush'. I have not been friends with her for long but she's a nice girl and fun to talk to. We share the same hobbies and interests and- yeah she's cool. She just told me around last week about the person she like and, what a coincidence I accidentally like the same person too!


Nah, I'm not gonna use the term 'love' here because I am positive that what I'm feeling right now is nowhere close to that term. How can I be so sure? I can't say right now but I bet the future me must have something to say about this. She must've already known who I'm gonna marry in now, yep my laptop /shot. No, I was just kidding. Okay back to topic.


I just flashed a really bright smile on my face to her and say: 'REALLY? OMG THAT'S SO AWESOME, I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU!'. And that's not a lie, because I'm giving up all those stupid feelings I've kept for myself all this time and will devote myself as their faithful supporter. Face it dear, he won't return the favor. He's out of you reach. He's too good for you and you're too good for him, dear. Nothing will ever happen between you and him.


And now it's time to let go. Let everything get washed away along with the tears streaming down on my cheeks. No, they're just fantasy tears. You know I'm not the kind of person who would cry just for something as trivial as this, right? I know you know me better than this.I'll forget all those useless feelings and move on, treat him like other guys. I'll treat everyone with the same smile on my face until I found 'him'. 'Him'? Yeah, my prince because someday my prince will come. Without a white horse nor a sword on his hand. Simply with a smile on his face and his hand reached towards me. When that time come, I'll gladly take it and give him the best smile on my face.

But a little hint for now wouldn't be that bad, right God? :) 

Crying My Eyes Out :')

The lyrics pierced through my heart. God, I miss mom and dad so much :')

Cinta?

Entah kapan terakhir kali saya membuat post dalam bahasa ibu saya ini, hahaha. Mungkin karena saya berharap blog ini bisa go-internasional tapi sayangnya setelah saya melihat chatbox saya baru sadar bahwa sepertinya hampir tidak ada pengunjung 'asli'nya alias numpang iklan doang. Setelah itu saya mendapat ilham: Kenapa ga jadikan ini blog curhat aja? Oke itu bukan karakter saya, tapi... mungkin itu akan meluapkan beban di hati saya ya? Daripada saya sibuk menggalau tak tentu arah dan belajar kacau balau lebih baik saya tuangkan saja disini supaya lega, ya kan? Ya kan?

Sssst pembaca-pembaca sekalian, asal kalian tahu ini r a h a s i a yang hanya diketahui oleh kita berdua, oke?

Jadi begini, sebut saja saya suka sama Dr. X. Dr. X itu adalah salah satu senior saya di fakultas kedokteran. Sudah jadi dokter atau belum? Itu rahasia. Angkatan berapa? Itu juga rahasia. Kuliah dimana? Sudah dibilang rahasia!

Oke, skip.

Jadi saya sudah suka sejak kejadian aneh di awal tahun pertama saya di fakultas kedokteran. Sekarang saya semester dua jadi... sudah 6 bulan ya? Wah waktu cepat sekali berlalu.

Tiap saya lihat dia... Eh takikardi. Ga ketemu? Bradikardi? Tidak, saudara-saudara sekalian. Biasa aja, cuma ya kecewa. Tahulah bagaimana rasanya kalau jatuh cinta. Feses kucing pun rasa coklat- ini cuma pepatah, jangan mentang-mentang jatuh cinta ngasi feses kucing buat Valentine's Day ya!

Mau tahu lanjutannya? Sampai jumpa di post berikutnya! :))

semua cerita di atas adalah fiksi belaka. tengkyu :*

Pyrogen :(

Feverish. Need. Rest. And. Ice cream. Nao.

No, all I need right now is you, you, and you. And a cup of vanilla ice cream, well cookies and cream is better. Whipped cream <3 And no cherry on top, just YOU.

Late, late, late

HAVE A GREAT APRIL :)

Canon

If we're in a manga, I hope you could be the hero, and I could be the heroine. Yet, I believe that the heroine spot has been taken by someone else. Well, a girl gotta know when to give up right?

I wish we have a certain bond, a strong bond like covalent bonds that could bound 2 different molecules at its best.

... Man I'm screwed. Exams are 2 weeks ahead and all I do was procrastinate, procrastinate, and procrastinate.

I'm screwed.

So close yet so far away

It's beautiful how people can still love each other despite being 1000 miles apart

while we're so close yet I feel like our hearts are 1000 miles apart

you know, I'll walk 500 miles for you but the problem is...

will you walk the other 500 miles for me?

#np A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

Best Days

A song dedicated to the best parents in the world. Thank you for accepting me as who I am not for who I am supposed to be. All the best days in my life, I spent it with you.

The Best Day

Taylor Swift

I'm five years old and it's getting cold
I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forgot all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew this
So I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best days with you

To Write or Not To Write

For me, writing is an escape. An escape from reality, because I usually write fiction, and an escape from other people's rules because it's my story, not theirs. Now, I have to face the fact that sometimes I have to improve. I can't just write 1 type of story, and that is why now I decided to write something more than just my imagination and dreams, Reality. Non-fiction. Real world. Yep, I'm learning journalism.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer or a journalist, but my parents told me to get a 'real' job. I think both of them are real jobs but... you know parents right? ;) That was when I started my sorta-rebellious-yet-obedient-child act, I decided to start writing. Yeah as you can see my old writings are sorta... crappy. Yet they made me smile, because they are my first stepping stones to become what I am right now and in the future. I keep on writing, and writing, and writing though my parents did not allow me to join any journalistic activities in my school (I did not regret that, journalistic activities in my school is kinda... yeah you know :p) except entering writing competition. I won. That was the reason why my parents allow me to join journalistic or other writing activities in campus. I feel awesome.

Yet, I don't think that this is the end point of my writing life. For me, this is a beginning of something extraordinary. Something that will amaze the whole wide world. And one day people will wonder where it began, and it began with a 'once-upon-a-time'.

Free, I'm FREE! :D

"naneunyo oppaga joheungeol eotteokhae"

i like you oppa, what should I do

Finally, I manage to find a moment of freedom and waste my time in youtube, yay IU! :')

That lyric hurts so much... Robbins what should I do? :' *shot*

anyway, RIP my beloved Jas Lab. I'll miss you buddy...

On a night like this...

Can every other night be as perfect as this? Just you, me, and that 1 second of joy. That second felt like hours to me. He's perfect in every way yet I already have someone else. It's 'Him'. Yeah, 'him'.

Who's 'Him' anyway?

....

I call him... Robbins.

*dies*

march, march, MARCH!

Hey it's already March!

Thank you, captain obvious.

Betrayal hurts.

A Letter to My Future Husband

Jakarta, February 24th 2012

Dear my future husband,

How are you today? Did everything turn out great at work? I really hope so. Just in case you're wondering, I'm fine. Really. I'm just a little bit tired from reading hundreds of pages of notes about cells, cells, cells. Well, as you can see I'm still in my first year of medical school, yeah long before we got together.

Honey, sometimes I wonder if you even exist in this cruel world. I can't seem to find you no matter how hard I try- Well, I haven't even tried anyway. I'm just not interested-or just simply afraid to hurt someone else after all I've ever done. I hurt lots of people. I broke their heart. I made them cry. Why? I don't even know. Is this God's way to show me that 'they' are not you? I surely hope so.

Sometimes I do wonder what would happen if I couldn't find you. Would I be lonely? Would I spent my whole life alone in a dark place? Or will I be happier? I'm not sure, well up to this point anyway. Honey, all I ever want is to find my ultimate happiness, and now that you're by my side reading this letter, you should finally understand that I have found it within you.

Please take good care of the future me, no matter how short-tempered I am, no matter how talkative I am, no matter how eccentric I could be at certain times, remember that behind all those flaws stands a girl- wait, a woman :p- who wants to cook for you everyday, to take her children to school with you, to hold hands with you, to shower you with love, to hug you every time you come back from work no matter how tired she is after a long day at work dealing with patients. Please, do not break my-future-self's heart. Please do not break the promises you have made with my parents when you came to propose me. Please do not let the ring I have on the my left ring finger slip off after all those things we've been through.

Well, just between you and me, up until the time I wrote this letter I've always imagined you to be a doctor, but what are you exactly? Only the future me would know. I'm not even sure you existed up until now, yet I really wish that you do. I sometimes imagine both of us walking together side-by-side, holding hands, wearing white jackets and just have a little chat in the hallway, yeah small things like that, but for me that keeps me close to my medical books. Despite that, I don't give a damn of what you do right now, as long as its legal, you're honest, you're doing your best, you treat me and our kids well, I think it's enough dear. Thank you for all the awesome things you have done/will do for me.

Love,

Your wife in 2012 :)

16

The day I turned sixteen was the day I laughed the most and cried the hardest in my life :')

Happy birthday :)

My Last Day as A Fifteen y.o. Girl

Tomorrow, a year older a year wiser. Another step to adultery. Another step away from the joy of being a kid.

And another day goes by without you. It wouldn't be a 'sweet' sixteen without you. I wish you could be here with me. To hug me and shower me with your love. I miss you both.

Fairytales DO Exist!

Today I attended a lecture given by doctor whom-shall-not-be-named. No, I was just joking, let's just call him Dr. D. I don't know how many times he had told this to his students, but upon listening to his stories I- well the whole class- just couldn't stop giggling, blushing, and laughing. Well when he told us a little bit of himself, he included a sweet little story of how I met your mother- Nope, it's actually a story of how he met his daughters' mother.

He first met her when they were in elementary school, which is 1952. Both of them were classmates until they decided to go to different junior high schools. They were not dating back then, but they met again when they attended university in August 1964. They studied at the Faculty of Medicine University of Indonesia, yeah our beloved university. They got closed and closer until THEY GOT TOGETHER AT 1PM THE NOVEMBER 30th 1964. He also told us where it happened. How did he manage to remember the exact time and place?! Nobody knew. Then he told us that they got married after 9 years of dating aaaaand now they have 2 daughters and 3 grandchildren.

What did I do? All I did was laugh and felt envious. I didn't know that my dreams could become reality- at least for someone else. Though it's just a bit I wish that the same thing could happen to me. One day, perhaps. Thinking of you wherever you are <3

I miss reading Kingdom Hearts fanfictions ._____.

Valentine's Day - 1 = FIRST DAY OF 2ND SEMESTER

Tomorrow's Valentines Day- yaaaaaaaaaaay- wait for me it's just an ordinary Tuesday. Seriously guys, what's so special? It's just February 14th. Flowers, chocolates, candies, teddy bears, love poems, valentine's day cards, cupcakes, more chocolates, more, and more, and MORE chocolate. Yeah, it's special .____.

Seriously guys, do you have to wait 'till valentine's day to treat your girls better? Girls, do you need to wait for February 14th to make chocolates and shower your cherished ones with love? I don't think that's the real meaning of love. Maybe that's what makes Valentine's Day so special? I don't know and that is why I don't think I will celebrate Valentine's Day until I found that special someone, so guess what? I won't make/buy any chocolate for Valentine's Day. Yay~ But I'll accept anything you give to me. Sweets are most preferable. *shot *Y-U-NO-JUST-ADMIT-THAT-YOU-ONLY-WANT-THE-SWEETS* H-Hahahaha what are you talking about, inner voice inside my brain?.

Anyway, today marks my first day of the second semester! OMG OMG SO EXCITED *shot

Cell, cell, cell. That's the only thing that I can think of right now. Today turned out to be such an awesome yet such a hectic day. Surrounded by friends, friends, and more friends- and no family :'

God I miss mom and dad soooo much. I was crying a river when I had to leave Bali, my comfy bed, my beloved stuffed toys, my room, my sofa, my shoes, my dresses, and my SHORTS for the sake of a better future :')

Gotta finish my report now! D: ciao!

New Layout! :D

Like it? Tell me :D

I Remember

I Remember - Mocca

Lyric

I remember...The way you glanced at me, yes I remember
I remember...When we caught a shooting star, yes I remember
I remember.. All the things that we shared, and the promise we made, just you and I
I remember.. All the laughter we shared, all the wishes we made, upon the roof at dawn

Do you remember..?
When we were dancing in the rain in that december
And I remember..When my father thought you were a burglar
I remember.. All the things that we shared, and the promise we made, just you and I
I remember.. All the laughter we shared, all the wishes we made, upon the roof at dawn

I remember.. The way you read your books,
yes I remember
The way you tied your shoes,
yes I remember
The cake you loved the most,
yes I remember
The way you drank you coffee,
I remember
The way you glanced at me, yes I remember
When we caught a shooting star,
yes I remember
When we were dancing in the rain in that december
And the way you smile at me,
yes I remember
----------------

The song gave me goosebumps, oh my. I wonder if you remember anything about me? :p

Well, we haven't made that much memories after awhile. Wait- we? No, no, no. That ain't gonna happen. It's just another one of your crazy one-sided love, Manda. There won't be anything between you and him. Maybe the heat got something to do with this. Bali is sooooo hot recently. It's like living in a huge oven -______-

Wish me luck, hopefully I'll survive this damn heat and MY SECOND SEMESTER IN MEDICAL SCHOOL <3

I'm in Bali again!

SQUEEEEE I'm home everyone :') Can't believe that I managed to live in that cruel, CRUEL world for 4 months! It's all thanks to the love and support from my parents and my friends that made my world colorful <3

After being here for more than a week, I have done a lot of things like- ...

Okay, I admit. All I did was slack off. I can't believe I could sleep for 12 hours! D: I didn't think that my first semester in med school was THAT hard, but I think it really exhaust my brain, but seriously guys, during that cruel 4 months I only have to memorize a few thin books while for the upcoming semesters I have to memorize like... lots of huge thick books that's almost as thick as 4 Macbooks stacked together! Maybe the next time I came home I'll sleep for 24 hours each day huh? God, please give me your guidance too for the upcoming semesters...

So, a few days ago I had THE TALK with my mom. We were in the car, coming home from an afternoon jogging at a park in the city. We talked about lots of stuff like life, my family's financial condition *thank God it was okay, especially after I got admitted at university for a normal price :')*, and in the end we reached to a point where we have to talk about 'this'. Yeah, my future. I asked mom what kind of doctor should I be. She said that I can be anything I want, as long as it's beneficial for me and the world around me. Deep down inside, I wanted to be a pediatrician, while I know what she meant was being an obstetrician. So I said to her, what if I wanted to be a pediatrician? She said that it's cool, but I should spend more time to think, after all I still have a long way ahead. I need to focus on my studies and so on. I had advantages to take a specialty that requires a longer period of studying because of my young age, but I have wanted to become a pediatrician since a looooooong time ago, since I was in elementary school. Yet, this talk made me think twice about it. I still have a long way to go.

I don't know what hit me at that time but suddenly I came up with the most interesting yet uninteresting topic in the world. Partner. Spouse. Husband. Something like that. So I asked my mom, what kind of person should I marry in the future? My mom then shot a weird glance on me and asked:
"So you actually thought about that kind of stuff? Finally you have reached that phase, eh?"
Well, I won't be around for too much so I think we really need to talk about this, well just in case. My parents have always been the protective-yet-free kind of parents. It's a little bit hard to explain. They gave me freedom to do anything but I'm responsible for all the after effects, but being the only daughter made my parents very, very protective to me. Not overprotective, but yeah, VERY protective. Having to carry such a huge responsibility and all the burdens upon my shoulders made me a little bit more mature than kids my age- which made me normal. After all, what could you expect form a soon-to-be-16 years old girl being in university with her 17-20 years old friends? That pretty much made me blend with all the big kids- I mean young adults around me while other kids my age are busy planing for their sweet 16 parties. This is why my mother decided that she would not interfere with my choice. She said that any kind of guy would be okay, as long as you're sure that he's the one.

THAT'S EXACTLY MY PROBLEM MOM. How would you know that he's the one? She said that one day I'll understand. I'll notice that the feeling is different. I will find out one day in the future. She also noted that I should consider my future in laws and have the 'chore, financial, kids, and all other important grown up stuff' talk with my future spouse. Then I giggled. I'm only sixteen, marriage is like... 10 years ahead from now. I need to finish university, be a pediatrician *amen* and find a job first before getting married! I don't wanna be some kind of douche who burdens his/her parents with marriage expenses and live-at-my-parents-house-forever-because-I'm-too-lazy-to-find-a-job. I sighed, yeah it's still a looooong way ahead.

That night I closed my eyes and imagined how my life would be after I got married. My mind drifted away and suddenly I'm at an unfamiliar house, talking to my daughter who was eating breakfast. I was in my white coat and was just about to go to the hospital, then suddenly a guy appeared in a similar white coat. His face was blurred, just as blurred as the image of my future husband that I had in mind. His voice was deep yet calm and soft. They're like music to my ears. He's like the exact kind of husband that I would love to marry in the future. Then it strikes me, who is the lucky-or unlucky guy ? What if he's someone that I've already known, but who?! Suddenly, 'his' image came across my mind. I tried to think about another guy, but it's just impossible.

But really? Is it really him? All I can do right now is hope and until now, I can't help but smile at the thought of marrying a doctor and have a doctor x doctor relationship. Isn't it sweet to walk hand-in-hand at the hospital hallway? Despite having only a little time to meet, we're still close and other craps like that? I love those craps <3

FYI, who is this... 'him'?

Well he's ... *drum rolls*

dr. Derek Stiles! <3
OMG who wouldn't love a surgeon like him? *squeals*
. . . *is shot

I was joking, btw. 'Him' is 'him'. He's a guy that only I know who *until now*. Don't worry, we'll send you our marriage invitation lol.

<3

A R A T A

seriously. He's just my type!

glasses.

black hair.

cool.

hides a dark past.

a jerk with a heart of gold.

GOD! Why can't I find someone like him in real life?

To be honest, I've always had a soft spot for a guy who smiles outside but hides a deeeeeeep dark past. Reasons? idk. I'm just kepo, that's all *shot

Well, it's the truth though- well at least for 2D things.

Hopefully one day I'll find someone like that, yeah someone like you